


Thank God for Bad Movies

by SailorPortia



Series: Dianakko Week 2020 [6]
Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Also Akko has abs, Alternate Universe - Actors, Comedy, Cuddling & Snuggling, Diana simps for Akko, Dianakko Week 2020, Excuse me while I roast the sequel trilogy, F/F, I promise that my hatred for star wars canon comes from a place of love, Kissing, Romance, Star Wars References, Stars, only a sith deals in absolutes, that's the whole fic, yes i can love and hate star wars at the same time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26734012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorPortia/pseuds/SailorPortia
Summary: Diana is an actress with an impeccable career of high-brow films, so why did she audition for the latest movie in a blockbuster franchise so tedious even its true fans hate it? The answer lies in her raging celebrity crush on Akko Kagari, a shining light in all the bad movies she's cast in. Diana stumbled upon her career by accident, and she makes the decision to cross paths with her by becoming her co-star just so they can meet. But will just meeting Akko be enough?
Relationships: Diana Cavendish/Atsuko "Akko" Kagari
Series: Dianakko Week 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1899667
Comments: 46
Kudos: 293





	Thank God for Bad Movies

**Author's Note:**

> Dianakko Week? More like Dianakko Month! *curls up into a ball and dies*

Diana gave the script one last incredulous look before dropping it on the table. "What a load of rubbish." She shook her head and smiled as she reached for her glass of wine and took a sip.

If she weren't alone in her Wedinburgh house, she would ask someone to give her a second opinion on the script. Her friends Hannah and Barbara were sympathetic over text, but she couldn't convey how terrible it was on her own. The sheer number of proper nouns rendered the script inscrutable.

She thought she knew what she was getting into when she auditioned for a popcorn flick, but this really was something else. When did films devolve into this kind of drivel?

Though, she was hardly in any position to criticize. She hadn't auditioned for this film with the most artistic of intentions herself.

Diana was a classically trained actress, her name synonymous with a quality performance. She started out with a background in theatre before transitioning to a film career favouring art house films and period pieces. Her films skewed more in the style of Shakespeare than Spielberg, so it was a surprise to everyone when it was announced that she would star in the blockbuster  _ Space Wars _ franchise. Truth be told, Diana surprised herself.

Objectively speaking, it was an excellent career move, and some of her fans rationalized it that way. Others were excited to see their favourite actress in such a mainstream movie, exposing a much wider audience to Diana's excellence.

In reality, Diana's motivations were astonishingly shallow. She had taken the implications for her career into account of course, but the real reason she auditioned was to meet a particular actress whom she secretly admired.

She wondered what her late mother, a beloved actress in her own right, would have said. Bernadette had always told her to follow her passions, and Diana supposed this actress was one of them. It was unlikely their paths would cross if she hadn't taken this chance, and shouldn't she indulge herself once in a while?

* * *

Diana discovered Akko Kagari several years ago and had been covertly following her career ever since. Her friends Hannah and Barbara loved watching bad movies to make fun of them. Occasionally Diana could be convinced to join them in the interest of learning more about acting and cinema through viewing the mistakes of others.

It was during one such movie night that Diana first saw Akko.

The movie itself was mind-numbingly stupid, a sequel to a slasher movie franchise that had long outlived its creative potential. The dialogue was dull, the special effects were nothing special, and the performances wooden as the set. Except for one.

Akko was the only actor in the movie who looked like she was having fun. Her enthusiasm for the part gave life to otherwise zombie-like sequences. The only entertaining parts of the movie were Akko's action scenes, and Diana was genuinely saddened when her character was apparently killed off. When Akko's character came back at the end of the movie to spin-kick the undead slasher's head off, Diana found herself actually invested.

"What an awful movie," Hannah said when the credits started rolling. "I can't believe they managed to make this worse than the last one."

"Id' call it a shameless cash grab, but it bombed so hard that it killed the series," Barbara said. "What did you think, Diana?"

Diana, who was busy scanning the credits for the name of the actress who caught her attention, took a moment to respond. "It was atrocious. The film's sole redeeming quality is the performance of the female kick boxer."

"Yeah well her abs were doing half the work," Hannah said. "She was in a sports bra for like half her scenes."

"I didn't notice," Diana said unconvincingly.

"Wasn't she in some action movie we saw with Avery?" Barbara mused. "She was the only good part of that movie too."

Diana was already looking up Akko Kagari's filmography.

The trajectory of Akko's career couldn't be more dissimilar to her own. She started in trashy J-horror and TV dramas before becoming a regular in the infamously gruesome Sucy Manbavaran's films. Around the same time Akko established herself as a moderately successful action movie actress who did her own stunts. Whether it was death-defying feats or stomach-turning gross-out sequences, she could take anything a director threw at her. She made her Western crossover when she renewed her role in the American remake of Sucy's hit film  _ Manananggal _ .

Akko built up a profile of American action and horror movies which were, truth be told, beneath her calibre, but she didn't seem to mind. Her social media feeds—which Diana followed religiously—were filled with posts brimming with enthusiasm about whatever she was working on, including videos of stunt bloopers and cuts of her workouts—which Diana followed  _ very _ religiously.

Diana was enthralled. No matter what she was in, Akko outshone everyone and everything else. Her lines might be terrible, but she delivered them with enough sincerity that they somehow worked. She delivered tearful death scenes, nail-biting action scenes, and even a steamy love scene (which Diana watched through her fingers) with such intensity that Diana couldn't look away. There was just something about her unabashed love of acting that drew her in. In a business all about faking it, Akko seemed impossibly real.

Eventually a major studio saw the same in her. Akko made it big when she landed a starring role in the new  _ Space Wars _ movie. Having no knowledge of the franchise itself, Diana relied on reviews to inform her that the movie was a universally rejoiced return to form after the previous trilogy set the fandom on fire. Diana took the reviews at their word, because the movie was absolute nonsense to her. Had Akko not been involved, she would have stopped watching before the opening crawl was over.

Diana's opinion's aside, the film was well-received. Enough so that the studio announced plans for a sequel, opening up auditions for new roles.

Which brought Diana to where she was now.

Production started at a soundstage near London. The director and producer, Croix Meridies and Ursula Callistis, met her as she entered the building.

"We couldn't believe we landed a Cavendish," Croix said as she led Diana to the sets. "You've got exactly the vibes we were looking for when we came up with the archduchess character."

Ursula smiled. "We know this kind of movie isn't what you're used to. If there's anything we can do to make things easier on you, don't hesitate to ask."

"It's part of an actress's job to adapt," Diana said neutrally, gazing at what she assumed was a spaceship set.

"At least our film isn't going to a green screen disaster like a certain franchise I could mention," Croix said. It was an open secret in the industry that she had been tossed out of the director's chair for demanding more practical effects in the  _ Revengers _ movie she'd been hired for. "You'll be standing on physical sets and acting opposite actual people, not tennis balls on sticks."

"Croix, you're being unprofessional." Ursula sighs. "She had a bad experience trying to film a dialogue between two actors who never even saw each other in person. You'll be meeting your co-stars today, so no worries there."

Diana swallowed thickly.  _ That's a matter of perspective. _ She was uncharacteristically nervous. Though she had spent almost an hour in her hotel room picking out an outfit, she found herself questioning her decisions. She tried to strike a balance between approachably casual and adequately classy, but she wasn't sure if her loose white blouse and high-waisted black trousers combo achieved that.

"Where did Akko go off to?" Croix muttered to herself, entering the spaceship set through an access hatch. "She and Amanda were just here."

Diana wasn't sure if she should be following Croix, but she did so anyway.

They walked down a trench that led to a wide-open room. The only significant feature Diana could see from the trench was a bridge crossing the gap. Two women appeared to be battering each other with quarterstaffs.

"What did I tell you two about fooling around on my sets?" Croix yelled.

The women stopped their mock fight. "We're just getting a feel for the set."

Croix groaned. "You hooligans are making us look bad in front of our archduchess."

Diana cringed at the epithet. She hoped it didn't catch on.

"Fine." Akko—Diana recognized her physique instantly—threw her staff to one side of the gap and herself over the side of the bridge. She hung from the edge for a second before dropping into the trench, making a perfect landing and spinning to face her director.

"By the Nines, Kagari," Croix swore. "You almost gave me a heart attack."

Akko laughed. "Like a fall from that high would kill me." She stretched her arms over her head, as if to emphasize her physical prowess, which hardly needed the help, given she was wearing a sports bra and spandex shorts.

_ She survived a fall from twice as high in  _ Too Dumb to Die 4 _ , _ Diana thought.

Akko and Croix turned to face her. Apparently, she only thought she said it in her head.

"You saw  _ Too Dumb to Die 4 _ ?" Akko said incredulously. " _ Nobody _ saw that one." At least, that's what the box office returns said.

Diana almost choked. "I was catching up on my co-star's career," she said hurriedly.

"Oh! That's nice of you!" Akko smiled. "Nice to meet you, uh, what's your name again?" She rubbed the back of her neck nervously.

"Remember your co-star's name, dumbass," Amanda said, coming up from behind Akko and lightly smacking the back of her head.

"Rude! Also, what took you so long?"

"I went down the ladder like a normal person. The fight choreographer can't go breaking her legs doing dumb shit like jumping off bridges."

Diana cleared her throat and the women stopped their bickering. "I'm Diana Cavendish. It's a pleasure to meet the two of you."

"Right," Akko said, then she screwed up her face in thought. "Wait, why does that sound familiar?"

Amanda rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I've got some suggestions about changes we can make to the set to make the fight scenes smoother." She related her ideas to Croix as the two of them walked back down the trench, leaving Diana with Akko and her pondering.

"I must have seen you in something before," Akko said uncertainly. "What was it...?"

"I've been in some period pieces and historical dramas," Diana said. She listed them off, but nothing registered with Akko. "I starred in a few all-woman productions of  _ Romeo & Juliet _ ,  _ Much Ado About Nothing _ , and  _ The Merchant of Venice. _ "

"Oh yeah!" Akko said, her eyes lighting up with recognition. "One of my friends made me watch that last one. It wasn't really my thing, but you were amazing in it! You looked so beautiful in that one dress and so handsome when your character was cross-dressing." She sighed dreamily and clutched at her chest. "My little bisexual heart! What was your character's name again?"

"I-it doesn't matter." Diana was used to being called beautiful, but being praised for being handsome was new, and she wasn't sure how to react. She made a mental note of Akko's "bisexual" comment.

"You're going to be great as the archduchess!" Akko stroked her chin. "I wonder if I can convince Croix to write you a scene where you wear a suit too..."

Unsure of how to respond to that, Diana didn't—save for blushing.

"I'm looking forward to working with you, Diana," Akko said, wearing that impeccably endearing smile.

Diana chanced an admission of the truth, suspecting Akko wouldn't read into it.

"Not as much as I'm looking forward to working with you."

* * *

Diana wasn't sure if her foray into the  _ Space Wars _ franchise was the right move, but seeing Akko do her combat training workout obliterated her doubts.

Her thoughts about the script, however, were unchanged. Would an audience even follow any of this nonsense? Was she the only one confused by the logic of  _ Space Wars _ ? Perhaps she should watch the preceding movie again to familiarize herself with the material.

Diana set the script down next to herself on the bench. She considered getting on a treadmill to clear her head, but instead she ended up watching Akko lift weights. It was certainly more entertaining than rewatching  _ Space Wars. _

The show didn't last for long. After setting the weights back down, Akko poured a bottle of water over her head and slicked her wet hair back. Droplets of water trailed down Akko's neck and shoulders and abs...

Diana picked up her script again and stared at the words on the page instead.

Akko walked over to the bench and took a seat alarmingly close to Diana, legs lazily splayed out. "Whew, workouts feel great, don't they?"

"Yes, they look extraordinary. Feel extra ordinary, I mean."  _ Get it together, Diana. _

"So," Akko said, leaning in even closer. "What do you think of the script?"

Diana sighed. "I can't make heads or tails of it. There are so many parts about this universe that confuse me. I thought I understood the part when I first auditioned, but the more I read the script the less sense it makes to me." She had plenty of time to figure it out before filming began, but would she ever be able to fathom the world of  _ Space Wars _ ?

Akko smiled smugly and chuckled. "You're in luck. You happen to be in the presence of the number one  _ Space Wars _ fan!"

"Is that so?" Something about the woman's cockiness endeared her to Diana. "Then in that case I'll trust myself in your capable arms—hands!"

"So what's confusing you?" Akko casually put an arm around her co-star, who was acutely aware of their proximity and her alluring, sweaty physique.

Diana cleared her throat. "Almost everything, but the logical place to begin would be my character. She's both an archduchess and a senator?"

"Yeah. She's an archduchess on her home planet, and she also represents her planet in the space senate."

"That doesn't seem very democratic."

"Yeah and that's the problem! The Galactic Federation is totally corrupt and that's what the Revolutionaries are fighting against. The archduchess is one of the reasonable ones who opens up negotiations with the rebels."

"And she's also secretly a practitioner of dark magic?"

Akko frowned. "It's not  _ magic _ but yeah. She's the secret apprentice of the Federation's president, who's also secretly a dark sider and the main villain."

"Right." Diana was already losing track of things, but if she could memorize the family trees of 19th-century romantic novels, she could figure out the plot of a blockbuster movie. "And your character is a... light sider?"

"You've got it!" Akko grinned a squeezed Diana's shoulder. "She's got a rough past and a heart of gold. Oh man, I can't wait to do the sick training montage scene."

Diana made a mental note to find the relevant pages in the script. "And your character uses a light-staff because she's a light sider."

"Well, no. The dark siders use them too."

"My character doesn't have one, does she?" Diana frowned as Akko shook her head. "Why not? That doesn't seem fair." She ventured a playful comment. "Maybe I'll have to take yours."

Akko giggled. "I'd like to see you try! The archduchess doesn't even need one though. Her powers are so strong she can fight without one."

"But she still loses to your rebel?"

"Due to the power of friendship." Akko winked.

Diana laughed. She was cognizant enough of blockbuster movie tropes to know that was a joke and not part of the lore. "You must think me foolish," she said. "Even children understand these movies, but they're unintelligible to me."

"Don't be so negative! The kids only get it because of good performances like the one you're going to give. Besides, it's not like you're the only one who gets confused. I can't pay attention to Shakespeare stuff at all unless a hot person's saying it."

"That's reassuring." Actually the last part was doing a number on her pulse, but that was beside the point. "If it's not too much trouble, could you explain how the magic system of this universe works? I tried looking it up, but it only confused me more."

"Ugh, I don't blame you. The wiki is such a mess right now. Can you believe they won't accept my edits? I have insider information!" Akko pouted. "So much got retconned when they announced the last trilogy, and it really confused a lot of people who watched the originals."

"That's hardly my problem," Diana said. "I've only seen the most recent movie." Which was to say, the only one with Akko in it.

Akko looked at her as if she'd grown a second head. "You've never seen the originals?  _ You've only seen one  _ Space Wars  _ movie!? _ "

Diana turned away from her intense stare. "I don't watch science fiction films if I can help it."

"Not anymore! You gotta watch the rest of them! They're so good—except for a  _ certain trilogy _ . Stop by my hotel room when we're done for the day and we can have a movie night!"

"I'd be delighted." Diana wondered if she would even be able to pay attention to the movies with Akko there.

"Hell yeah! And when we've gone through the movies, you can borrow some of the old comics. They've got some of the best light-sider vs. dark-sider stuff. Oh, and one of the games has some really smart stuff about the lore, but I don't have it with me. I wonder if I can buy a digital version to show you..."

Akko rattled off what sounded like her opinion of every piece of  _ Space Wars _ media ever published. Diana didn't look forward to the ever-growing mountain of homework she was being assigned, but wasn't research part of being an exemplary actress? And if her research involved huddling together under a blanket with Akko, it couldn't be that taxing.

* * *

With Akko's assistance, Diana finally found her direction with her character and realized her place in the  _ Space Wars _ canon. The franchise's themes were often simplistic, it's characters archetypal to a fault, but Diana could see echoes of classical storytelling in it and, more importantly, what people enjoyed about these movies. Except for a certain trilogy.

Filming in London wrapped up for the time being and the crew moved north in preparation to shoot scenes in Scotland's remote northern islands. Diana invited Akko and Amanda to visit her Wedinburgh home as a rest stop en route to the filming location. As soon as they heard of her plans, Hannah and Barbara demanded to come along.

"We'll only be there for a night, two at most," Diana said. "It won't be worth your time."

"Of course it will," Hannah said. "We want to get a read on this co-star of yours."

"You  _ never _ bring anyone to your home, except us of course," Barbara added. "We want to see what makes this woman so special."

Explaining what made Akko exceptional would be simple, and yet so difficult. Her frankly unmistakable attraction to Akko had developed into something of a crush. Diana wasn't the first actress to catch feelings for a co-star, but she found it embarrassing as an otherwise consummate professional. She reminded herself that her intentions had hardly been pure when she auditioned, and now she was simply lying in the unprofessional bed she'd made.

Luckily her friends were easily distracted from Akko and quickly fixated on Amanda and her abs. Diana nearly thanked Amanda for her decision to wear a crop top, but she wouldn't want Akko to hear about it and get the wrong idea. Then again, with the way she seemed oblivious to Diana's affections, there perhaps wasn't any risk at all.

"Wow! Your house is amazing!" Akko exclaimed as they arrived and exited the car. Her commentary continued as they made their way inside.

"Please, everyone, make yourself at home," Diana said. "Not  _ too _ at home, O'Neill," she added with a glare at the stunt coordinator.

Amanda rolled her eyes. "I break one table with my sick dance moves and I never hear the end of it." But the woman managed to behave herself for once... right up until she found out Diana had fencing experience.

"So you're not just some boring, prissy girl, huh?" Amanda said as she admired the fencing sabre mounted on the wall of her study. "How did I not know about this?"

"It wasn't relevant to my role," Diana replied coolly. "Apparently the archduchess doesn't get to have a weapon."

Akko giggled. "You're so bitter about that. Just let it go."

Diana would not let it go, especially when her prickliness about it seemed to amuse Akko. In fact, she even allowed herself to be talked into having a mock swordfight with Amanda using two old brooms, which she won through sheer desire to impress Akko.

"Maybe they should give you a weapon after all," Akko said, flopping onto the couch when they relocated to the living room to relax after the impromptu duel. "I hope you aren’t trying to upstage me,” she added playfully.

"I don't think I could pull off quite the same range of stunts as you," Diana replied. "Rather, I think I would injure myself if I tried anything even half as daring."

"You seem weirdly well-versed in Akko's career," Amanda said.

Diana's heart rate spiked. "Because of what I've seen her get up to on set?"

"No, because you've got every movie she's ever been in on this shelf in chronological order."

Diana's face heated up like a certain scene in a certain movie. She'd forgotten to do something about the incriminating evidence. Not that there had been an opportunity for her to hide it after returning home with the subject of those movies.

"Really?" Akko seemed more confused than bothered. "Most of my early stuff never even came out in English though." Never let it be said that Diana wasn't dedicated.

Hannah and Barbara joined Amanda and peered at the shelf's contents. "Didn't we watch this one during one of our bad movie nights?" Hannah pulled out the relevant DVD case and inspected it.

"We did," Barbara said, looking over Hannah's shoulder. "Didn't Diana say Akko was the only part of that movie? Maybe that was the beginning of a little celebrity crush."

"Got taken in by my charm, huh?" Akko smiled smugly. More like her arms. Did she really not realize the implications at play, or was she just playing dumb.

"Wait, Amanda said 'every movie.' Does that include—"

"I know what we're watching tonight!" Amanda fished out the worst possible option—for Diana's heart, that is. The film with Akko's steamy love scene. "I bet this one's your favourite, Cavendish." She winked obnoxiously.

_ That _ got a reaction out of Akko. She blushed and protested, but Amanda, Hannah, and Barbara won the majority vote, so watch the movie they did. The trio exacerbated the situation by claiming the couch for themselves, forcing Diana and Akko into close proximity on the loveseat. Even worse, Akko immediately suggested they huddle up under a blanket the way they did when watching the  _ Space Wars  _ movies. The two of them were  _ maddeningly _ close, and Diana didn't know how long she'd be able to withstand the temptation to reach out and touch her.

Minutes flew by and the infamous scene drew closer and closer. Diana contemplated making up an excuse to leave the room in order to avoid it, but her little gay brain was too stressed to think of one in time. The familiar music cue sounded and her fate was sealed.

Amanda smirked at Akko. "It's your big scene." Hannah and Barbara giggled.

"Ack! I can't watch!" Akko threw the blanket over her head and buried her face in Diana's chest.

Diana, naturally, proverbially burst into flames. There was one Akko undressing on screen and another clutching at her bosom like a lover. The combination was impossibly overwhelming. Diana wasn't sure what to do with her hands. It wasn't as if she could sit there awkwardly and not acknowledge the woman clinging to her. After panicked deliberation, she defaulted to putting her arms around Akko, stroking her hair gently. When the scene ended, Diana whispered, "It's over. You can come out now."

Akko lifted the blanket off her head. Her face was bright red, perhaps from the heat. "Sorry you had to see an embarrassing side of me."

"I watched you put ten marshmallows in your mouth at once for a bet.  _ That _ was an embarrassing side of you."

"Hey, I won. Nothing embarrassing about that."

The worst of the movie was behind them, but Diana remained flustered. Akko hadn't disengaged from their embrace, rather she had shifted only so far that she could turn and face the TV screen. Diana didn't want to reject this opportunity to cuddle, so she continued to cradle Akko in her arms. Even once the movie ended, Akko didn't even break away to stretch her arms and yawn. When Diana told her guests to make themselves at home, she didn't expect Akko to take it to heart to this extent.

Diana saw Hannah and Barbara looking at her and making connections, but they were tactful enough not to say anything about it aloud, resorting to whispering amongst themselves.

To Amanda, however, tact was a foreign concept. "In the name of fairness, we should watch Diana's steamiest movie next."

Only concern for Akko's ears kept Diana from yelling. "Most certainly not. It's late, so we should be going to sleep soon."

"No, Amanda's right," Hannah said, grinning. "How about we watch that artsy French movie you were in, the one where you—"

Diana covered Akko's ears with her hands.

"—but I agree with the critics, it was actually rather tasteful," Barbara said, finishing Hannah's summary.

"No," Diana said adamantly. Under no circumstances would she—

"But I want to see your fancy acting," Akko said.

—say no to Akko. Diana relented instantly and got up to find the DVD. The film was short, and not quite as salacious as Hannah and Barbara made it out to be; it was however, an unambiguously lesbian film made by a lesbian director and starred lesbian actresses. She might as well bring Akko to her bedroom and literally come out of her closet. Diana was hesitant to out herself, but if at this point Akko didn't realize Diana was gay, she needed a rude awakening.

When she returned to the loveseat, Diana took a chance and put her arm around Akko's shoulders. Her heart soared as Akko snuggled against her again. Diana largely ignored the movie in favour of monitoring Akko's reactions. She'd never noticed quite how much the woman fidgeted. Usually Akko was in motion, performing a stunt or acting animatedly. Her jittering made it hard to assess her reactions, though there was no mistaking the little  _ "oh" _ when the Diana onscreen started making out with another woman.

Diana's mind wandered to the subject of sleeping arrangements. She couldn't very well ask her guests to sleep on the couch, but there were only two beds in the house. Hannah and Barbara had their own guest room, and she had a feeling they wouldn't mind allowing Amanda to share it for a night. That just left Diana and Akko with the former's queen-sized bed. Would Akko accept if Diana offered her own bed and slept on the couch? She wasn't sure her heart could take it if they had to sleep in the same bed.

Fate intervened and made the decision for her; Akko had fallen asleep slumped over her. Once the credits rolled, she signalled to the others not to wake her up. The trio left the room silently, but Amanda couldn't resist smirking at her as she passed by.

Diana didn't want to risk waking Akko up, so she consigned herself to sleeping upright on the loveseat. As she leaned her head against Akko's, she considered herself lucky for such a cozy and comfortable circumstance.

* * *

Akko had never been one for personal space, but after the night at Diana's house she was practically attached at the hip to her. Diana woke up with her beautiful co-star cuddling her in a half-asleep state. Even after Akko was fully awake, she wouldn't let Diana extricate herself from her grasp for several minutes, giggling and teasing the entire time. The clinginess didn't stop even once they relocated to the film set. The only time she wasn't in physical contact with Diana was when they were filming. Otherwise she was, as Amanda put it, "all up in her business."

Of course Diana was pleased, but she was also confused. As much as she would have liked to interpret their increased intimacy as a sign that her feelings were mutual, there remained the possibility that Akko was interested in her as a friend and nothing else. She was a rather affectionate girl, after all. Asking her up front didn't seem like an option, due to the tension on set the question could cause if she were mistaken. Were they not co-workers, she simply could have thrown caution to the wind and asked Akko out on a date. The prospect was tempting, and she eagerly counted down the days until filming was scheduled to end.

Fate wasn't as interested in waiting. The moment of truth came when Croix showed up to the set with revised scripts and an ominous grin.

"Get ready for this, ladies. It's going to blow your minds."

Diana accepted her revised script cautiously. If she had to learn more science fiction shenanigans at this point, she'd lose her mind. Although, it would give her an excuse to spend more time with Akko to have it explained to her...

She speed-read the script, quickly taking note of the interactions between her character and Akko's until her eyes screeched on the words "they kiss." Diana's brain started to melt. She and Akko were supposed to kiss? Weren't their characters enemies?

Akko let out an unidentifiable noise when she reached the same phrase. "Where did this come from?"

"It was my master plan all along," Croix said, letting out a short, maniacal laugh. "I was hiding it from corporate until now, when we're already neck deep in production. By the time they know something

"There's no way the executives are going to go for this," Ursula said.

"You're right, and that's where my evil genius comes in. We're going to film the scene, and  _ somebody _ is going to leak the footage online. Once the internet gets a hold of it and the hot takes start flying, the execs won't dare cut the scene. They'd never be able to get away from the bad press of being filthy gay-baiters."

Ursula pinched the bridge of her nose. "Or they might disavow all knowledge of the leaked footage and replace you with a more compliant director. It wouldn't be the first time they substituted someone mid-production."

Croix blew a raspberry. "If they want this instalment to go better than the last trilogy, they'll keep their hands off the creative stuff. Akko and Diana's chemistry is perfect, they'd be fools for throwing this away."

"I'm all for it!" Akko chimed in. "It'll be great! What about you, Diana?"

It took all of Diana's training as an actress to maintain her composure. Certain obvious inclinations pushed her toward saying yes, but she ignored them in favour of a more intellectual approach. Now that she thought about it objectively, the relationship between their characters was emotionally charged in a way that easily lent itself to an enemies-to-lovers dynamic. No doubt her attraction to Akko had bled into her performance. She wasn't sure if Croix's plan would work, but it wasn't as if she had any respect for the franchise's corporate overlords.

"Very well. I will perform as scripted."

Ursula sighed in resignation.

"Damn right you will," Croix said. "I want to film this scene as quickly as possible, so let's go, ladies!"

"At least let them rehearse first," Ursula said tiredly, but Croix wasn't listening.

Croix wanted the filming to be as covert as possible, so they waited until everyone else left for the day before starting. Akko and Diana showed up to the set in full costume and makeup, revised scripts clutched in their sweating palms.

"So..." Diana said awkwardly as the skeleton crew of Croix's most trusted collaborators set up their equipment to film. "Have you memorized your lines?" Akko tended to have trouble remembering her lines, though her ad-libs and flubs made working with her delightful; learning lines on such short notice might be a problem for her.

"There weren't a lot of lines to memorize," Akko said with a nervous laugh. Today they would only be filming the very end of the scene. The part with the kiss.

"Alright, ladies," Croix said from the director's chair. "We're ready to roll."

Akko grinned at Diana and pulled her by the hand to their mark on the floor. The scene took place in an ancient dark-sider tomb on an alien planet, and they were using the ruins of a Scottish castle as a location. Diana's character had just betrayed her fellow dark side adept in order to save Akko's character's life, the culmination of her character arc and—as of Croix's revisions—their romantic arc. Diana and Akko arranged themselves according to the script, the former kneeling over the latter, and waited for Croix to say "Action!"

"Why did you save me?"  _ the rebel _ asked, her voice weak. "You almost completed the ritual."

"Some things are more important than power,"  _ the Archduchess _ replied. She stroked  _ the rebel's _ cheek, staring deeply into her eyes. A moment's pause.  _ The Archduchess _ leaned in...

Then Akko looked away, blushing up a storm. "Sorry. It just hit me that, you know, we have to kiss." How very Akko-like of her to jump into this headfirst without realizing the implications. She very likely had been thinking about their characters kissing, rather than herself and her co-star.

"I'll give you guys a minute," Croix said. "But hurry up, we need to get the gay agenda moving."

Akko let out a sigh. "Sorry, Diana. I'm usually so professional. Well, in front of the camera anyway. It's just, well, you know..."

Diana smiled. "I know. I'm nervous too."

"Really? You're impossible to read. I never know what you're thinking. Sometimes it's like you... never mind." Akko smiled back. "Um, this isn't going to make things awkward between us, is it?"

Diana couldn't stop herself from flirting. How unprofessional. "In a bad way or a good way?"

"See! There you go again! I don't even know what that means! But I'm not nervous anymore. Thanks." She grinned that inordinately charming Akko grin.

"Are you ready now?"

"I'm ready. Kiss me like one of your French girls."

It was a mistake to let Akko see that movie. Diana signalled to Croix that they could start filming again.

"Why did you save me? You almost completed the ritual."

"Some things are more important than power."

Akko and Diana looked into each other's eyes. Diana's thumb trembled slightly as she ran it across Akko's cheek, and Akko leaned into the gesture slightly, her eyelids fluttering as she feigned weakness for the part.

All of a sudden, Diana was oblivious to everyone else in the room, and Akko had eyes only for her. They closed their eyes in unison as Diana leaned in and their lips met.

Kissing Akko felt just as good as Diana had imagined, even if it were only a performance. She almost swooned when Akko's lips pressed back against hers—again, for the sake of the performance. Her warmth, her softness, everything about her drew Diana in.

Only Diana's strict professionalism kept her from lingering in the kiss. She retreated, letting out a gasp as they broke apart. Akko's eyes shot open and her mouth made a little 'o' but remained silent. There was so much Diana wanted to say, but she couldn't while the cameras were rolling.

"And cut!" Croix whooped. "That was fantastic! The chemistry! I knew this was a great idea."

"Let's hope the executives see it the same way," Ursula said wearily. "Good work, ladies. We won't need another take, so you two can go and we'll pack things up."

"Okay," Akko said stiffly as she stood up. She held out a hand to Diana, who took it hesitantly. "Hey, Diana. There's something I want to show you in my trailer."

"A-alright." Diana felt light-headed over the kiss, and she let herself be led by the hand all the way from the set to Akko's trailer. If she weren't so preoccupied with mentally replaying the kiss they'd just shared, she might have realized what was about to happen next.

No sooner were they through the door than Akko had Diana's back pressed up against it, one arm outstretched, hand anchored against the door in a move Diana recognized from Akko's J-drama career as a  _ kabedon. _

"Diana," Akko said in a husky voice, drawing out each syllable like a bowstring before taking a shot. "You like me, don't you?"

Were she not a professional actress, Diana might have fallen to pieces right then and there. Instead, she collected herself into some semblance of calmness. "Yes. I'm rather fond of you, Akko."

"Not like that!" Akko huffed. "Are you  _ into _ me?"

"I... I don't know what you mean."

"Yes, you do! Ugh! You're impossible! Like, obviously I was your celebrity crush before we even met, or you have really specific tastes in movies." That movie collection was particularly damning.

"I... well... I..." Diana knew she should respond, wanted to respond, but she was so flustered over being exposed that the words simply wouldn't come.

"I'm not a total dumb ass," Akko continued. "I've seen the way you look at me, but I didn't think it was anything special. But then we got closer. You're a great actress, and I was happy to learn a few things from your fancy background, but you're also really pretty and fun. I started hoping that maybe you..." She trailed off as a blush spread across her face. "Anyway, I wasn't gonna put the moves on you because we're co-workers, but then you invited me to your house and I couldn't resist cuddling you. And you responded! We even slept together! But then you got all stiff whenever I got touchy-feely with you, and I was sure I was just imagining that you might be into me too."

"I wasn't planning on saying anything. Not until..."

"The kiss," Akko finished. "That wasn't an acting kiss. I've been kissed by other actors before, and it wasn't anything like  _ that _ ."

"I didn't want to stop," Diana conceded. Her face grew hot, and even her acting experience wasn't enough to cover how flustered she was. Akko could probably even hear her heartbeat.

"We can pick up where we left off," Akko said, wiggling her eyebrows. It absolutely would have killed the mood if such behaviour weren't part of Akko's charm.

Before Akko could say or do anything else, Diana closed the distance between them and crushed her lips against hers. She thrilled as Akko responded by pushing her back against the door with her entire body, her hand leaving the hard surface to bury itself in Diana's hair. Diana moaned Akko's name as she opened her mouth to her, and Akko replied in kind by whispering Diana's name into her ear after kissing her way up her neck. There was a peculiar energy to the heated make out session happening when they were still wearing their characters' costumes, but that was easily remedied.

* * *

By some miracle, Croix's devious plan worked. The gay agenda wins again. The leaked footage lit the internet on fire, and the inferno raged so hot that even the executives couldn't ignore it. They claimed no knowledge of the video of Akko and Diana's characters kissing, but the backlash to their denial forced them to rearticulate their response to be about not wanting to spoil the very real, definitely happening sapphic relationship in the upcoming movie. The pivot worked for the people whose opinions mattered, and the furious battleground of hot takes exchanged over the revelation gave the company the kind of publicity that money can't buy. They were satisfied for now.

Almost inevitably, rumours began circulating about the actresses involved in the leaked footage. Akko was open about being bi on all her social media, and Diana's sexuality had all but been confirmed in the public's perception due to her involvement in a certain artsy French film and the fact that she had somehow avoided playing a male character's love interest in her entire career. Many fans of either actress speculated that the two were secretly dating, but neither of them confirmed nor denied anything.

Months passed and Croix's  _ Space Wars _ movie finally premiered. Diana and Akko arrived on the red carpet together, the latter wearing a slinky red dress, the former wearing a form-fitting blue suit. The reporters could barely contain their glee. Some of them cornered Akko when the pair separated and barraged her with questions about the nature of their relationship.

"That's a secret," Akko said with a wink, but the reporters wouldn't accept that as an answer.

"Please don't harass my girlfriend with such intrusive questions," Diana said casually as she passed by. The reporters lost their minds.

Akko used their distraction to catch up to Diana. "Why'd you spoil the fun? I was getting a kick out of all the Diakko conspiracy theorists." Her favourite theory was that they had secretly met during Diana's brief filming of a scene in Japan, and had only reconnected by fate when Akko went to the UK to film for  _ Space Wars _ .

"I promise I'll find another way to entertain you," Diana said in a low voice. If Amanda were there, she would've fake-vomited in disgust. The couple were still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship and some of their friends jokingly called it insufferable. Not that they had to deal with the couple often. They had been holed up in Diana's house for weeks as they watched each other's movies together, cuddling under a blanket and thanking the cinematic gods for the bad movie that serendipitously set them on the path to meeting.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the end of Dianakko Week for me. No Free Day. Instead, my original plan was to update Butch Diana, which would have been very sexy of me if I'd done it on time, but nobody who reads Butch Diana expects me to do anything in a timely fashion. My brand remains strong. BUT!!! I will be updating it soon UwU


End file.
